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March 16, 2005

Day of the Hat

Chapter 7: Day of the Hat

On Thursday, July 29th, still trailing in the polls, John Kerry was about to take the stage for the final night of the Democratic National Convention in Boston to give the most important speech of his political career. The eyes of America would be tuning in to see the official introduction of the Democratic nominee for President and to learn his vision for the next four years. The stakes couldn't possibly be higher.

Perhaps that explains why Kerry decided to put in the "fix".

Earlier that afternoon, Kerry and his staff had just finished putting the final touches on his speech. Locked away in Kerry's suite, they had trimmed it down to just under an hour by tightening up the language and delivery. To do any more would subtract from the message they needed to get across to the nation. Confident that all was set for a momentous kick-off to the final stretch of the campaign, the writers and advisors were about to head to the bar for a few and then relax before the night's main event. They were almost to the door when Kerry stopped them.

"There is still something missing," he said.

Puzzled, Bob Schrum responded, "I don't see what it might be. We hit all the major points and many of the minor ones. Anything else would be dragging the speech out too long and we run the risk of viewers tuning out."

Kerry smiled. "Don't worry Bob, it's not the speech. The speech is perfect and I can't thank all of you enough for your hard work and dedication. What I am talking about has to do with adding something to what I will be wearing this evening."

The group visibly relaxed, most assumed that he intended to adorn his lapel with the yellow ribbon that had come to be a popular symbol of supporting the troops in Iraq. It would be an excellent touch.

It was also flatly wrong.

"I'm going to wear the Hat," the Senator stated simply.

Jill Alper, who had worked on previous campaigns for Kerry, muttered "Oh no, not now."

Foreign affairs advisor, Randy Beers asked, "I'm sorry, the what?"

"You know, my lucky hat, the one that CIA guy gave to me when I was in Vietnam. I've told you all about that," Kerry explained.

"Yes, but sir," Steve Elmendorf intoned, "I'm not sure that wearing a hat, even a lucky one, is such a good idea, especially for the most important speech of your life."

"But it's not just a lucky hat," added Kerry, his eyes widening in excitement, "it's a magic hat. Here, let me show you."

As the Presidential hopeful crossed the room to the bed where his briefcase lay, Alper made an attempt to deflect the strange direction the meeting had suddenly taken. "Senator, perhaps we could discuss this later," she suggested, adding sotto voce, "in private."

But John Kerry was not to be deterred. "It's all right, I can trust them. After all, they trust me to be the next President of the United States."

Brushed aside, Alder stepped back to watch helplessly as the tragedy unfolded before her.

With his back to the campaign staff, Kerry opened his briefcase and reached deep inside a pocket no one had ever seen him delve into. He then lowered his head while his hands made a downward motion on both sides towards his ears. He quickly spun around to face the confused group (only Mary-Beth Cahill seemed unaffected and was nodding sagely) and with a smile beaming widely on his face asked, "See?"

"I don't see a thing, Mr. Kerry," Shrum accused.

"Of course you don't," Kerry gleefully replied, " I told you, it's a magic hat and only I can see or feel it."

Beers suddenly burst out laughing. "I get it! You're busting our chops! Trying to break the tension for tonight's speech. Come one, 'fess up!"

But Kerry turned deathly serious. "When I was behind Bill Weld in 1996, no one thought I could come back and win. I was written off as a loser before the first vote was even cast. So one day I was rummaging through some old stuff when I came across the hat. For sentimental reasons, I put it on. Well, for one reason or another, I became distracted and forgot that I had put it on. I even went out campaigning that day wearing it and no one said anything to me. It was only when I got home that night that I realized that the Hat was still on my head. Angry, I called up Jill and demanded to know why she let me make speeches wearing this hat. She said, and I'll never forget the sound of confusion in her voice, 'What hat?'

"At that moment, the evening news came on highlighting some of my remarks that day. When they showed me speaking, there didn't appear to be anything on my head. But I looked in the mirror and there it was! I was completely bewildered and relayed this to Jill. Wisely she made the suggestion that we keep this to ourselves for the time being.

"The next day the polls came out and I was "magically" neck and neck with Weld. I decided to conduct a little experiment over the following weeks. When not wearing the hat, I would slip in the polls but I would gain when I did. This hat won me that election and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise."

Shrum was visibly agitated. "You're serious about this?"

"How do you think I won the primaries over Dean and all the favorable media coverage he had? Do you believe that infamous scream of his was just a coincidence? I've talked to Howard about that. He has no idea how that came out of his mouth. He told me it was as if someone else had taken control over him. I know what it was: it was the hat. It makes things happen."

One of the advisors was aghast. "This is insane! Believing in a magic hat is like believing in the tooth fairy or leprechauns."

"Leprechauns!" Kerry snorted, "if only I had some of them! Someday maybe Mary-Beth can tell you the real source of the Kennedy fortune or the reason they keep winning elections."

Feeling all eyes turning on her in wonder, Cahill said, "Sorry, I can't. That wouldn't be ethical."

Kerry saw that his staff's nerves were frayed by his revelation and tried to allay their concerns. "Look, I know this is a lot to take in. But you have to believe in the hat. Trust me, when we're standing victorious on November 2nd, you'll be glad you did.

"Now go on and grab a drink somewhere. You've earned it. I hear that there's even a beer called Magic Hat. See," he said to his cultural advisor, "I have been keeping up with my studies.

"And relax," Kerry said pointing to where the hat supposedly rested on his head, "tonight, our campaign, and the nation are well in hand."

While Cahill and Alder decided to stay for a moment alone with the Senator, the rest of the staff, trying to look like they were merely leaving and not fleeing, quickly exited the suite and ran to the nearest bar where many a "toast" was made to the magic hat. In a way, some of the advisors never left that bar.

A staff member reflected on the internal damage caused. "After what many of us call 'The Day of the Hat', it was never the same. I mean we just couldn't look at the man the way we used to. And that effect showed up in the poll numbers. People who were later replaced were actually relieved and those who stayed on found their own ways to cope. I pretty much stayed drunk for the remainder of the campaign."

Posted by Skayhan at March 16, 2005 06:24 PM

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