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March 13, 2005
Drinking is NOT a Right
(The following is a bit of a rant)
Neither the U.S. Constitution nor any of the 50 state constitutions include the line "the rights of an individual to imbibe alcoholic beverages shall not be infringed." In fact, states have sole regulatory power over intoxicating liquors (via the 21st Amendment) and often set stringent policies on who can be served. These include widely-known laws such as individuals must be a certain age (almost nationally 21) and not already intoxicated.
But not as well known is that besides being at least 21 years old, you must be able to prove it via a valid piece of identification. Even lesser known is that regardless of age, most states require identification to be provided when attempting to be served an alcoholic beverage.
Tavern and liquor store owners are also given wide discretion over serving a person even when they satisfy all the above conditions.
To sum up today's Civics lesson, this means that when your 30 year-old dumb ass bellies up to the the bar and you come off with an attitude when your ID is requested, roll your blood-shot eyes while the odor of your "natural high" wafts gently through the air (much like a wet fart in church after an all night eating frenzy courtesy of Tom's Taco Takeout would), slap down a piece of plastic with more duct tape on it than my old '76 Dodge Dart , or politely ask, "Now give me a fuckin' Lon Gisland Ice Tea," guess what?
You're not going to get a damn thing.
Also, if your girlfriend wasn't served and you were, passing a drink to her will get you, her, and everyone else you're with booted (nevermind the fact that you had a bottle of Paul Mason Brandy hidden at the table with you). And if that's the sort of "oppression" that makes you and your peoples [sic] want to start a riot in an establishment by rushing up behind the manager to strike her with a large Weiss goblet (18oz, 3.1 lbs. empty), throwing fists at the employees of the bar trying to stop you from leaving the premises with alcoholic beverages, throwing said drinks while screaming profanities and racial epithets, you need to grow the hell up.
Do you really consider the county lock-up the finishing touch to a successful night on the town? The phrase "dumber than dirt" doesn't even begin to cover it.
And don't even get me started on featured bout of the evening: Super Hood versus Mega Redneck.
-Phil (still finding pieces of glass on his person)
Posted by Skayhan at March 13, 2005 10:57 AM