ASVS Headline News

« Time To Make The Donuts! | Main | Sede Vacante »

March 28, 2005

Headgames On The Stairs

Picture a stairwell about five feet wide, just the right size for one person to go up and another go down without having to get out of each other's way. There's a landing at each floor and halfway in between each floor. At the floor there are two doors to exit the stairway; if you are on the stairway, the left door is propped open. There's a man with a gun there. No, I'm just kidding about that last part. It's a woman. No, it's not, there's no gun, just what should sound like a rather typical stairwell that most people have encountered dozens, perhaps hundreds of times. So, why is it people seem to have trouble with the simple, ancient process of using the stairs?

Two weeks ago, I've got my hands full and walk through the open door to the stairwell, only to find two men walking up the stairs side-by-side. Now, maybe I'm alone in thinking that the stairs were designed for one side to walk up and one to go down simultaneously; I've not actually taken a course in stair management. So I walk to the top of the stairs so I can go down, but neither one seems inclined to shift out of the way so that someone can pass them. Why is a mystery to me. They're not talking, which would at least make this somewhat understandable; we are accustomed to walking side-by-side with people when we're walking and talking. Maybe they were in love, and this was the only way they felt comfortable expressing it in public.

So, seeing that they weren't going to take the hint, I backed up off the landing to the open doorway, in case they were continuing to go up. Now, up until then I could dismiss this as simply not-thinking, but this next bit truly surprised me. They reach the top of the stairs and stand there, looking at me. Then I realize they want me to move out of the doorway to exit the stairwell. Let me point out again: there is a door right next to me they can walk through. It's not locked, there's nothing that says you can't open it, and what's more, it's on their right, which in America is the side you should be on anyway. Even more surprising is it’s actually closer to them than the door I’m standing in. But rather than walk through this door, they stand there until I, getting a little tired with all the stuff I'm carrying, move myself and my burden out of the doorway so that they can walk through without having to do something so reprehensible as touching a door.

I noted this behavior mentally as something to think about, because it seemed so bizarre. Well, apparently that was a mistake, because it happened once again. Two women this time, talking this time, except they were walking up in a slightly staggered pattern, so that one could probably easily have slipped behind the other if someone were coming, except the one in the lead was on the left rather than the right. In this case, slipping over to the left side quick enough for the pass seemed too risky (again, hands full). So I back up again to the open door... and again, they would rather stand there and wait for me to move out of the way rather than touch the door.

Now, we have here two instances of the same behavior, different genders, different actions, but same exact refusal to open the door. Since there was nothing physically preventing them from opening the door, the reason has to solely exist in the minds of these four people. Was it because of the door? Was a shut door an obstacle in and of itself, something they couldn't think of opening if it was at all possible to avoid? Or was it, in fact, me? Was it a conscious or subconscious desire to demonstrate some kind of dominance over me by forcing me to step aside for them? To call upon my psychology courses from college, was it a psychological blindspot preventing them from considering the door, or was this, to quote Freud, "people acting like a couple of asshats?"

As I contemplated this on my trip down the stairs, I encounter a second group, two women walking side-by-side in conversation. This time there was nowhere for me to go, so I stopped. They stopped. It was a standoff. I could see them trying to wrap their minds around this serious dilemma; clearly they couldn't ask me to travel up to the previous landing and stand out of their way so that they might continue unimpeded. And yet, to stand aside for this guy... I mean, he's nobody! He's got to be nobody, or he wouldn't be walking alone on the stairwell! You stand aside for a nobody, it's a sign of weakness, and others will pounce. By lunchtime people will be stealing the furniture out of your cubicle. Your male co-workers will call you "doll" and maybe grab at your ass while the female ones will shun you for knuckling under. The tension was high, either choice spelled disaster, yet the situation must be faced. Throw in a time-traveling space Nazi and it could have been an episode of Enterprise.

Eventually, the woman in front of me stepped back and behind her colleague, the conversation terminated in mid-sentence. I got the same vibe you get off Cobra Commander as he promises he'll be back with a new and better plan, even though you've won this day. They continued up the stairs in total silence, as if on their way to a funeral. It wasn't my concern, I have real things to worry about, rather than the headgames of other people on the stairs.

I should really think of just taking the elevator.

Posted by Chuck at March 28, 2005 06:55 PM

Comments

Posted by: Neolith at March 29, 2005 09:43 PM

Post a comment