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May 07, 2005

The Star Wars Original Trilogy DVD? Non!

In two short weeks, the final entry of the Star Wars saga will descend upon us. Already the media blitz hocking everything from video games to (oh for crying out loud) "Dark Side M&M's" assaults me at every turn. And while I may succumb to the temptation of evil candy (rot your teeth and your soul), there is one Star Wars item that I will never purchase: the original trilogy DVD.

Why would a self-professed Star Wars geek like myself refuse the cutting edge media format for my favorite saga? Well...

Greedo still shoots first. I had hoped that this abomination, which has been roundly denounced, would be restored to its classic form (find me one person outside of LucasFilm who applauded this change. And no, Steven "I turn guns into walkie-talkies" Spielberg doesn't count). The reasons that this is a cinematic sin have been oft told and need no retelling here. Save that are we supposed to believe that Han wasn't going to kill Greedo anyway, regardless of him actually shooting? The whole thing reminds me of a line from Gremlins 2: "Tonight, on the Clamp Cable Classic Movie Channel, don't miss Casablanca, now in full color and with a happier ending." That was a comment on Ted Turner supposedly ruining classic films by colorizing them. Ironically, Gremlins is a Spielberg movie.

Then there were things that actually needed fixing but weren't.

Do you see this? Of course you do. People have pointed out the goof involving Ben's lightsaber since 1977. Yet this well-known eyesore somehow eluded the scrutiny of Lucas and Co. while they were busy adding a glare effect to the cockpit of an X-Wing (which was actually pretty cool). When it was first announce that Lucas was going to redo some of the special effect in the original trilogy for the re-release, this is the first thing I thought he'd tackle. Alas, having Han walk over the tail of Jabba the Hut while repeating the same lines spoken to Greedo not minutes earlier apparently overshadowed this little detail. Now according to Star Wars Insider, Ben's failing lightsaber is explained by Vader’s red crystal lightsaber shorting it out. Well, as long as we’re revising history with the Han/Greedo fiasco, why not adjust this little bit of history too?

And then there is this scene, which has always vexed me. (right-click and zoom to full screen to make it easier to view)


How simple would it be to edit out the dead space like this?

But personally, I'd have done something like this:

And then there will be the mind-numbing commentary included in the "extras" features. I made the mistake once of listening to this for the Phantom Menace DVD. Combined with my reaction to the character of Jar-Jar, my first thought was to categorize this movie next to Showgirls (Yes, sadly I own this "film") as dangerous to one’s sanity. If you ever have trouble sleeping, put on the section of the deleted scenes where they go on for three hours about how they added the waterfall at Naboo and I guarantee you slumber in no time.

Here's a suggestion for directors and actors when they're making a commentary track: follow the example of View Askew's commentary track for Clerks and get drunk while you're watching the film and talk about what's happening on screen, or failing that, something vaguely interesting. I don't care to listen for half an hour about how you prepare to play pretend on screen or the difficulty in choosing a wardrobe designer. Rather, I wanted to hear Portman say, "Did anyone notice I seem to have camel toe in this scene?" or Lucas kicking a passed-out Ewan McGregor while asking, "Can you feel the Force now?" Perhaps it would simplify the idea to combine the wrap party with recording the commentary track. Just leave the mic in a room with the film running and let whoever wanders in say whatever they want. It certainly would have made it more interesting to wonder what couple added the twenty minutes of body-slapping heavy breathing during the pod-racing scene than what we are actually given.

But the main reason I will not buy the Stars Wars DVD is that I have bought this movie three times already! First I bought the digitally remastered VHS tapes when they came out. Then I bought "Star Wars Trilogy: The Definitive Collection" laserdisc set followed shortly by the Special Edition LDs. And I assure you that soon you will be faced with the option of buying the "Ultra Super Special Star Wars Six Pack" on DVD. I'm just going to wait ten more years for the HD-DVD. That at least might be worth the cost.

Now, the only reason I watch the SE LD despite the flaws noted above is that it is in 5.1 surround. But thanks to the availability of home video editing I will not have to suffer for much longer. For I will undertake the task that others have done and burn my own DVD from the laserdiscs, combing the best of both editions. I will have my Dolby Digital, 24 fps, no Vader gesturing without dialogue, Hayden will not appear at the end of Return of the Jedi, and Solo will shoot first. History will be preserved. Hallelujah!

Perhaps I'll even attempt to fix Ben's lightsaber while I'm at it.

Posted by Skayhan at May 7, 2005 12:59 AM

Comments

I dunno, I kind of like having a high-quality copy of the films on a format that's not susceptible to oxide degredation. Then again, I don't have the laserdisc versions (well, I do, but not on LD).

Is it just me or is the original Ewok song better than the "new" one? I never really minded the old one. Hell, I never really minded the Ewoks. Though Wookiees would be a lot cooler (and Lucas gets a LOT of respect from me for putting them in EpIII).

Posted by: Dalton at May 7, 2005 05:46 PM

This is why I've gone with the crazy scheme of LD to DVD.

Sure not the best tranfer, and wasn't able to do it with RoTJ(eh....it still has ewoks regardless). But no Luke "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH", no RotJ Executor Hanger Bay, and more importantly in my version Han shoots first, noit second nor at the same time.

Posted by: GR at May 12, 2005 09:47 AM

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