September 13, 2006

...And the Light Pierced the Heavens

I had a blog here. I erased it. It was nothing more than what's already been said, with far more eloquence, by Keith Olbermann. I will say this though.

Two nights ago, as I drove home from work, I saw in front of me the Empire State Building. Like many other nights, it was lit up in red, white and blue. And off to the south, I could clearly see a beam of light reaching up to the skies. It was overcast, and the light pierced through the clouds, and where they met was a bright glow, brighter than the full moon, almost like the sun peeking through the clouds.

It was a stark reminder of that day, beautiful while melancholy, a quietly bright tribute to those innocents who died.

Posted by Dalton at 08:28 PM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2006

The Da Vinci Code: Secrets Revealed

I figured out the secret behind The Da Vinci Code.

Believe me, it was difficult, but after months of research, painstaking reconstruction of events and retracing my steps, I have finally got the answer. And you will be astounded by it. The biggest secret to one of the hottest novels-turned-movies since The Lord of the Rings. This secret is so deep, in fact, that not even the Catholic Church has managed to figure it out yet.

What is the secret, you ask? Well, I'm not so sure you're ready to learn it yet. Are you truly willing to deal with the full repercussions of this most hidden truth? Are you willing to question everything you've ever been told about Dan Brown and his hit novel? Are you willing to set aside Tom Hanks' ridiculous hairdo?

If you answered "Yes" to all of these questions, then you might, just might, be ready to figure out the greatest secret in The Da Vinci Code's history. But first, let me tell you how I finally figured it out.

The evening chill cut through the thin material of my fleece, despite the heat of the day earlier. I had just finished eating dinner and was out to do some browsing at my local bookstore. I was looking for hints for the secret behind The Da Vinci Code and so far had had no luck. I felt it would be my lucky night.

As I took my Civic down Old Country Road, I reflected on the path that led me to this point. It was on a night like this, not very long ago, when I first picked up a copy of a book during a family outing to an Outback Steakhouse in Queens. It was sitting there, a sticker on it marking an attractive discount, and I decided that it was a good bargain for a hardcover. Not knowing what I'd get myself into, I picked it up.

Little did I realize that I would not get to read it for a full month. Yes, first my older sister pinched the book from me to read it first, then my aunt, then my mother, and finally my younger sister. It had passed through four pairs of hands before I could even crack the binding; who knows what deeds they had done to the novel?

My worries were in vain; the book and the text contained therein were mercifully unharmed. I delved into the story of Robert Langdon and the greatest secret in human history, and was left satisfied - but a little underwhelmed - at the story. My interest was therefore piqued when a feature film based on the novel was announced, especially since it was being directed by Ron Howard and starred Tom Hanks and Paul Bettany. A promising cast, to say the least.

Imagine my surprise when the controversy stormed up.

First there were accusations of plagiarism. The book took ideas from a non-fiction work that was previously written! Surely Dan Brown was in a world of shit. Fortunately for him, the judge in the case dismissed it with a clever document that also contained a hidden code - a code which has nothing to do with the book, sadly. But that wasn't the end of the controversy. As the movie neared its release date, other controversies popped up. Some called it blasphemy. Some called it an attack on Christianity. The Catholic Church out and out supported a boycott of the movie. For what reason, I could not fathom, especially after I found out the secret behind The Da Vinci Code

Back to my discovery. I headed to the shopping center on Glen Cove Road, to the now two-story Barnes & Noble that had recently been renovated. I walked in and immediately headed to a stack of familiar red dust jackets, each of them showing an image of the face of Mona Lisa. I stood there for a moment, trying to put the pieces together. What did it all mean? What was the secret? I glanced around, looking for pointers, when I noticed a sign on the wall.

It was all so simple. The truth slammed into me and brought me to my knees. I stared reverentially at the sign, the solution, the answer to it all. I had finally done it.

I read the word again, and I knew that all of those who stood opposed to the film...all those snub-nosed, self-righteous Catholics, all those powers-that-be that wanted nothing more than to have the book banned, to have the movie banned even, missed the most important clue of all. The following are the glyhps I transcribed that fateful day:

"FICTION"

Posted by Dalton at 06:02 PM | Comments (5)

May 02, 2006

On His Throne, Contemplative

I'd like to share a thought with you today. Some of you will find it disgusting, some of you will nod your head sagely. And I suspect that the former are going to be women, and the latter men.

So what is it with men and bathrooms?

I suspect my fellow lumbering, hairy slobs will agree with me: a man feels most at peace when he's sitting on the can. Berkeley Breathed had a phrase for this: "Quality Time".
opus-toilet.jpg

So what is the appeal?

Well, for me, at least, the bathroom is like a fortress of solitude. Walls of white surround a sealed chamber where any less-than-Superman can be himself. Where he can just "hang out", so to speak. A roll of TP, a book or magazine, and thyself. It's truly bliss.

"But men," you say, "Can't you get that in your bedroom? Your living room? Your den?"

The answer is NO. Too many distractions. Phone, computer, television, radio, you name it. In the bathroom, there is only the hum of the fan. There is nothing to come between a man and some serious thinking. That sculpture of The Thinker? He should have been on the crapper.

Nothing is worse, though, than that tap-tap-tapping on the door. "Are you done yet?" "Did you fall in?" No! We are not done yet! Where else can a man plop his naked ass down with such brazenness?

For a man, going to make a deposit into the 2nd National Bank is his alone time. His quality time. His naked time. When all the layers of civilization peel away and he can be a real man, a true man, that grunting, sweaty, hairy primordial beast that would crouch down bareass naked in a grove of trees and fertilize some plants.

Perhaps I go too far.

But the first part is true. So ladies, do yourself a favor.

Don't come between a man and his porcelain throne.

Posted by Dalton at 12:57 AM | Comments (0)

December 10, 2005

The Imaginary War on Christmas

Egads! The forces of the Evil Secular Liberal Elites have mobilized! Everyone, get into your gingerbread bunkers and prepare the candy-cane cannons; General Bill O'Reilly has personally taken charge of defending Christmas from the bombardments of those dastardly Happy Holidayers.

Now, I don't know exactly what Billy O's problem is, but I'm willing to bet it's related to ratings - as if he didn't already get enough Americans to tune into Billy's Hour of Glower on the Fox Propaganda Network. If you believe Bill - and Joe Pesci knows I'd believe even Dick Cheney over this clown - there is an OMG WTF WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!! OH NOES

It is imaginary.

There is no "War on Christmas". What there is, though, are more people who are saying such evil and oppressive things as...gasp...Happy Holidays. And Season's Greetings. Oh, the horror.

No.

There is no "War on Christmas". It's just yet another imaginary front on the imaginary "War on Christianity". Regardless of what scaremongering ratings-hounds like Billy O. want to think, the evil secular liberals are not Grinches out to steal presents from under the trees of Whoville USA. There is no demand that people stop saying "Merry Christmas"; far from it. What people are doing, what Billy O. seems to think is a slap in the face to all Christians, are being inclusive. Or lazy, if they don't want to bother with the whole "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" bit.

Oh, the horror. Yeah, it's the end of the world as we know it. Gotta put the Christ back in Christmas, stop trying to drive Jesus out of the public view, etc.

Hogwash and balderdash, I say!

Over 80% of the people in this nation call themselves Christian. They are the majority. And a good deal of them are perfectly fine with people saying "Happy Holidays". But as usual we have the real Grinches from the far right wing waltzing into our lives and trying to tell us what we can and can not say. They think that failing to say "Merry Christmas" will somehow DESTROY THE NATION OMG.

Put the Christ back in Christmas? Christ was always in Christmas. That was the point of the holiday back when the Catholic Church replaced the Pagan holiday of Saturnalia back in the 4th century, when Winter Solstice fell on December 25. And like it or not, the true meaning of Christmas is not the birth of Jesus Christ, which, according to Biblical accounts, could not have even happened at that time. No, somehow I doubt that sheep will be grazing the fields under the watchful eye of a Shepherd in the dead of winter. The true meaning of Christmas is actually the celebration of the Winter Solstice, of the renewal of life. Of family, and gift-giving, and being with someone and sharing happiness. Because if not now, when?

There is no grand conspiracy to stop people from saying "Merry Christmas". If you want to say it, hey, be my guest. But please don't think, arrogantly, that that's the only thing the season's about. What most people fail to realize, even, is that there is very little actual Christian symbology in Christmas. The Christmas Tree itself came before Christmas, way back when Winter Solstice was celebrated by Pagans who used the evergreen tree as a symbol of the renewal of life. Santa Claus itself is a Dutch legend that's been popularized by Coca-Cola, becoming part of the American Christmas culture. The only Christian symbology that is normally associated with Christmas, as far as I can tell, is the star that usually adorns the tree, which Biblically is what led the wise men to the manger where Jesus was born, not to mention the various scenes of the Nativity itself.

So no, it's not all about Jesus. If that's your thing, hey, Merry Christmas to you. But there is no War on Christmas.

It's imaginary.

It's scaremongering.

It's along the lines of "Gay marriage will destroy American society" and "Intelligent Design is a valid alternative to science". Just more far-right-wing rhetoric.

If you celebrate Christmas, then Merry Christmas. If you celebrate Hanukkah, then Happy Hanukkah. If Kwanzaa is your thing, then Happy Kwanzaa. If you want to celebrate Festivus, hell, be my guest - Festivus for the rest of us. Fine by me. You want to celebrate Saturnalia? Hell, that's cool, retro is always fun.

But in the meantime, I think I'll save some time and effort. Rather than guess the religion of the person I'm saying it to, I'll just say this.

Happy Holidays.

Posted by Dalton at 01:45 AM | Comments (2)

November 28, 2005

Epiphany

I want to take a moment to share a revelation I had recently.

I fear Christianity.

Some of you might have noticed lately a certain amount of what can only be called hatred creeping into some of my posts on the subject lately. This is a direct result of fear, fear not of the Christian God, but of the people who claim to represent him/her/it on Earth. It might seem flippant, but Yoda really is correct - fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

So I fear Christianity, and I have let it turn me into the sort of person I dislike: a rambling fanatic full of venom and hatred. It is a trend that I intend to reverse.

I have a fair deal of Christian friends. While I may not share their beliefs, I do respect their right to believe it. And lately I've been lumping them into my criticisms of Christianity as a whole. I do realize that there is a vast political difference between the many sects of Christianity, perhaps none more divided than the liberal progressives versus the conservative regressives. Yes, I meant to say regressives, because that is the only end result of the far right branch of the Christian religion.

What I fear is these people and what they can do.

In America, conservative Christians seem to constitute a major voting bloc. As you may well guess, most of them are concentrated in the South. The fact is that they more or less run the country: George W. Bush is what I consider a conservative Christian, and he has people like Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and James Dobson criticizing him for not being conservative enough. These people influence the lives and decisions of, quite literally, millions of American voters.

And these voters are powerful. They are vocal. And they care only about their religion. Take Kansas, for instance: the conservative Christians won a minor victory there by forcing the school board to adopt a modified definition of science. Not only do these people claim that it was only done in the interests of fairness, but they also have the gall to claim that it is not religious in motive. This is clearly absurd. Intelligent Design is and always will be a codeword for creationism, but these far right Christians have gotten sneakier in their attempts to sneak their dogma past the First Amendment.

It didn't work in Pennsylvania, and I'm glad for that. The entire school board went home jobless after the last election. But I fear that this is not going to be the case everywhere. Already a good number of states have passed amendments to their state constitution that make it legal to discriminate and oppress a visible minority (denying homosexuals the right to marriage). There is absolutely no justifiable reason for this aside from "The Bible says it's wrong". Not even the ridiculous tautology of "Family Values" is defense for them, because I have so far failed to see proof that a homosexual couple would raise a child any differently than your typical American family. Again we see legislation that is religious in motive but carefully disguised as a secular effort.

It does not help either that there are very many Christians out there who see no problem with having "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. They reject the notion that Congress violated the First Amendment when they voted to add those words to the Pledge in 1954 during the height of McCarthyism. Today they rationalize it by saying that it's "traditional" and no longer has meaning. Well, if it no longer has meaning, then why do they get angry every time it is suggested that the words are removed? Is it a double standard? I think so. It is another example of the Christian Right not realizing that they are not alone in this country.

The Christian Right needs to understand that there are not only a great deal of Christian sects in this nation, but also a visible and vibrant minority of non-Christians, including Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, atheists, agnostics, deists, wiccans, neo-pagans and various American Indian tribal beliefs. If this really is one nation indivisible, then why be so exclusive?

This is what I fear. That the Christian Right is trying to take over. And that they are succeeding.

I would like to close off this post by apologizing from the bottom of my heart to all of my Christian friends whom I may have offended recently, and that includes Chuck and Mark. I realize that you are not part of this problem, but are indeed against the rampant and willful spread of ignorance. We are all in this together.

Posted by Dalton at 09:12 AM | Comments (0)

October 18, 2005

Jack Thompson is a Crazy Fucker

I'm not sure if you're aware of the existence of Jack Thompson. He is most famous as an anti-video game "activist", aka another cowardly lawyer attempting to find a scapegoat for the problems of children, and he is one crazy fucking bastard.

Yack's been on the radar lately because some stupid crazy fucker teen killed two people and claimed that video games made him do it. Yack went on to claim that games like Grand Theft Auto 3 are actually "murder simulators" designed to allow players to kill cops. Obviously the man has never played a single one of these video games he's decried as violent and immoral, but that won't stop ol' Yack, who fights against the evil of pixellated blood with his crazy bastard sword and his trusty old Bible.

Did I mention that this crazy bastard appears to be one of those puritanical fascist Christian types?

So, ol' Yack is on a crusade against violent video games, which leaves one to wonder if he's taking care of his children (hell, if he even has any children; I don't know who'd marry a crazy fucker like Yack Thompson). His latest stunt was a hypocrisy-laden offer of $10,000 to the first game developer who made a game that targeted the video game industry - i.e. a videogame where the player hunted down and killed video game industry professionals, much like his claims that GTA3 is a cop-killing simulator.

Soon after, one of the fine men who run Penny Arcade, Mike Krahulik, fired off an email criticizing Yack's comparitively paltry offer, a fraction of the sum total of money and toys that the PA charity Child's Play raised for children's hospital all across the country.

Yack then betrayed his hypocrisy yet again by calling Mr. Krahulik and offering vague threats: "My email sig had my phone number in it. Jack actually just called and screamed at me for a couple minutes. He said if I email him again I will 'regret it'. What a violent man." Further details of their "conversations" are available here - along with the rest of the whole sordid affair - but let me just say that it ended with him calling Gabe a "pissant".

How ironic. The crazy fucking bastard on a crusade against violent video games is himself a violent, unstable crazy fucking bastard. Is anyone surprised at this?

Of course, someone took him up on his fucking disgusting challenge. Predictably, Yack declined to release the promised $10,000 - promised to charity, mind you - and called the whole thing "satire". Jerry Holkins put it best: "Thompson now claims that his repellent suggestion was "satire," and we must conclude that his financial offer was also satire, some new breed of satire apparently that I'm sure is just hilarious to people in need."

And in a perfect example of why these two guys are better people than Yack Thompson the Bullshitter could ever be, they donated the $10,000 that Yack reneged on, and they did it in his name, which is just the icing on the cake.

Yack responded in the only way he knew how: vague legal threats, followed by a fax to the Seattle Police asking them to arrest Gabe and Tycho - of course, claiming a "campaign of harassment", which as a lawyer he should be familiar with - especially in terms of perpetration.

I can't believe this sort of shit is happening. This jackass claims to be such an upstanding, moral person, fighting against the videogame industry for what's "right" - i.e. what's right as defined by those in power - yet he's willing to sling around terms like "computer geeks" and "moral midgets" at these people whom he considers to be killers in training.

This is the worst sort of scapegoat tactics, hypocrisy and radical Puritanical censorship that I have ever seen, and it sickens me. And it should come as no surprise that Jack Thompson, the Crazy Fucking Bastard, has used such vicious attacks in the past against Janet Reno, when she defeated him for the position of Dade County State Attorney.

This should be news. This shitbag should be smeared across the headlines and labelled as the crazy fucking nutbar hypocrite that he is. And I wonder why it's not happening.

Good luck to the guys at Penny Arcade. The crazy fucker is at your doorstep, and I'm not as optimistic as you are as to the eventual outcome. It's going to be a tough battle, because this guy will inspire a lot of support from his fellow crazy puritan assholes.

Editor's Note: No doubt the efforts of Thompson and his ilk will be buttressed by this little gem. If this were my child, he'd be getting mental blocks for Christmas.

Posted by Dalton at 09:18 PM | Comments (5)

July 02, 2005

And the Rocket's Red Glare

I'm going to start this post off in typical geek fashion.

Consider Star Wars.

I've found, and this should be pretty obvious, the appeal of Star Wars is different for everyone. Some like the fairy-tale story of good versus evil. Some like watching Imperials in their pimped-out rides blow shit up. Some even like watching dudes getting hacked to pieces with a lightsaber. For me, I think, it's more the underdog aspect than anything else. I like watching a ragtag group of rebels survive against all odds and win against an overarching evil to restore freedom to the galaxy.

There's something in there that speaks to me - no, not the voice telling me to "go take a shit in the salad bar at Wendy's" - and I think that it speaks to a lot of other Americans. At least, to those who think of George Washington as more than the "dollar bill dude".

Americans can identify with an underdog story, because America is an underdog story.

As July 4 rolls around again, I recall how unlikely of an occurrence America was. Against all odds, against the might of the British Empire, we declared our independence, fought for it and won. That's an underdog story. Scrappy militias of poor farmers and rich plantation owners with poor equipment and low supplies survived, defeated the enemy and formed the beginnings of what is arguably one of the most powerful nations on Earth.

I think that's one of the greatest things ever.

Even if we did need the help of the fucking French.

...I kid, I kid.


Our founding fathers did all this, not only for their freedom, but also for the freedom of everyone who was to come. Yeah, in the start, freedom as we know it only applied to white male landowners. That was just the standard of the time, and as time progressed, so did we. And so did we amend the Constitution, as others fought and won their freedom. Sometimes with legislation. Sometimes with war. And so did freedom extend to all citizens of this nation, and so did the definition of citizen become so broad and inclusive. It was all for the greater good.

But what I don't think is good is the way things are going now.

There's a culture war going on. It's primarily "red state" versus "blue state". But it's about so much more. It's frightening to think that, in this day and age, after so much toil and blood and sweat for this precious thing we call freedom, that there are people out there willing, even furiously demanding, to pass legislation specifically to deny freedom – the Patriot Act, the proposed Federal Marriage Amendment, the Terri Schiavo case, et cetera. Perhaps it is typical. Freedom never comes without a fight, and there’s a big one brewing.

Nevertheless, freedom is still going strong. I’m reminded of that every day, because I can sit here and type this without fear of reprisal. We still have protests, and pundits, and arguments, and people willing to put their life on the line to defend such. And the good news is that legislation like the Patriot Act is eroding, albeit slowly; that those hypocrites who are willing to restrict freedom while talking about how great it is are slowly losing their grip. The fight still goes on, and we fight tooth and nail, and we gain ground. As my cohort put it, “So there's hope. Even if one still can't take a dump in a salad bar without fear of being put in a place where they make you do something completely different with their salad.”

Lovely image, Phil.

Freedom is the right to dissent.

Freedom is the right to have wild, red-hot monkey sex with someone regardless of their gender.

Freedom is the right to load up Grand Theft Auto 3 and beat up two hundred hookers with a baseball bat.

Freedom is…

As I was driving to work one morning, I saw a sign on the side of the road. It warned drivers that possession of fireworks was against state law. I thought to myself, "That's not gonna stop anyone." Freedom is…some dude named Vinny Sixpack, an American flag tattooed on his bicep, down on the corner with a few cakes full of fireworks, a butane lighter and enough rebelliousness to flagrantly violate state laws just to celebrate the birth of the Land of the Free.

There's something almost poetic about that.

E Pluribus Unum.

Happy 4th, folks.

Posted by Dalton at 06:45 PM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2005

One Nation, Indivisible?

Kansas is at it again.

As if the Scopes Monkey Trial wasn't enough, the local brain trust in Dunghill, KS are holding hearings on evolution. Naturally, all of the intelligent, pro-evolution people (Scientists) chose to boycott this farce, declaring it as "rigged against evolution". Unsurprisingly, the board members at the hearing are all conservatives and the Christian Clown Brigade trotted out everyone from Jonathan Wells (Senior fellow of the "Discovery Institute") to an actual follower of another nutbar-with-a-Messiah-complex, Sun Myung Moon, to testify "against" evolution in their destructive quest to turn America into Jesusland. Check this out:

"What is it that they're afraid of?" Wells said, also in a statement. "If they are so sure they are right, they should have the courage to be cross-examined."

Cross-examined?! What the fuck is this supposed to be, anyway? Oh, that's right, a trial! Yes, evolution is on trial once again. Decades of facts and research and data are going toe to toe with Intelligent Design, also known as "creationism in a clown suit". The facts must be weighed! Well, the "facts" of Creationism versus the "evil, secular lies" of evolution. After all, it's quite difficult to argue for logic, reason and science when someone's beating you over the head with a five-pound bible.

I direct you to the esteemed Mr. Ron Reagan, who at the 2004 Democratic National Convention spoke so eloquently in support of stem cell research and who recently, and quite amusingly, smacked down Creationism on his show "Connected Coast to Coast":

"All that’s necessary for ignorance to triumph is that people who know better step aside and get out of its way. We might want to consider that as we sit back twiddling our thumbs and playing politics while Kansas spirals into the Dark Ages, dragging its unwitting children with it."

Ron Reagan makes a good point, because it's not about the search for truth; it's about politics, and the Christian Right attempting to force their definition of truth down the throats of American citizens.

Of course, his cohost Monica Crowley attempted, quite predictably, to defend it as "promoting an alternative viewpoint" or some such apologist nonsense bullshit that Christians use to try to slip their religious beliefs past the First Amendment and into the school curriculum. Why don't they realize that that is wrong?

Someone I spoke to recently made a very good point about that.

It's because a lot of Christians sincerely believe that "saving" people is the right thing to do. They are commanded to "spread the word of Jesus". And what better way to do it than to change the law so they can start teaching Christian beliefs in the schools?

Hey, here's a crazy idea! Why not teach Hindu creation beliefs as well? Well, there'd be uproar about that, no doubt, because it's "heathen" or "pagan" or "unChristian". What a bunch of horseshit. Their motives are as transparent as their deity.

I pledge allegiance, to the Flag, of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.

Posted by Dalton at 11:01 PM | Comments (2)

April 07, 2005

Sede Vacante

As I'm sure you all know - that is, if you're not living in a hut in Botswana - Pope John Paul II (né Karol Wojtyla) died on Saturday from, officially, septic shock and heart failure. Not the most glorious way to go for someone who was a terrific sportsman and who survived multiple brushes with death (including once being hit by a truck and left for dead). Regardless of what you might think of him (and Bob knows I don't exactly have a high opinion of him either) his death has sent a shockwave throughout the entire world. After all, he was the spiritual leader of over a billion Catholics and the third longest-reigning Pope of all time.

Predictably, this was huge news for the cable networks.

Not long after Terri Schiavo died - the source of yet another media blitz - the news networks went on full Pope alert, quickly (and thankfully) pushing the entire Schiavo fiasco off the front page. For a full day and a half the media kept close watch of the lights in the windows outside of the Pope's apartments in St. Peter's Square, breathlessly awaiting Vatican press releases like, well, a news network. Or a crazed stalker. Whatever.

Also predictably, the news networks were eager to scoop each other - so eager, in fact, that Fox and CNN announced the death of the Pope a full 26 hours before it actually happened.

Kind of says something about jumping the gun. I just feel sorry for the producer who, unaware she was next to an open mic (the translator's) that was on air, announced to the FNC audience that the "Pope is dead...Hello, Pope is dead". Shepard Smith was understandably livid.

She'll probably never work in the news business again. Unfortunate, yes, but I don't think it's entirely her fault. But, as Fox News has seemed to refuse to learn again and again, checking facts is a good thing. At least CNN took pains to mention that the reports were unconfirmed.

It was around this time that MSNBC began running their "Fair and Accurate" promos, a gleefully evil slap in Fox's face. I won't say that Fox didn't fully deserve it.

The worst part about it, for them, was that when Fox and CNN found out that the Pope wasn't dead, they got nervous 26 hours later when the news came down the wire and this time waited for confirmation. As a result, according to Cable Newser, MSNBC beat both of them by a full three minutes. An eternity in the broadcasting world.

Now, this sort of thing, news networks using major world events as tools in their rivalry, is not new. This is what happens when ratings are more important than actual newsgathering. Did you know that, over the weekend, while cable news was doing Pope stuff the whole time, a US plane crashed in Albania? That there was major flooding along the east coast? That Terri Schiavo was cremated?

Think about that: the death of one man was enough to put all other news on hold for a day.

Consider: Pope John Paul II is a man who:


John Paul II's funeral is tonight, and with that end comes the end of an era. For good or bad, the Pope was a giant. Was all this news coverage warranted? I'd say not really, because there is more important news out there. But no other person in recent memory really had the far-reaching influence of John Paul II. His memory will live on for years to come, whether his name be praised or reviled. One thing is for certain, though: work's gonna be busy for weeks.

Posted by Dalton at 04:27 PM | Comments (0)

March 26, 2005

Time To Make The Donuts!

I am a cynical, jaded, left-leaning atheist bastard from New York.

There, I said it.

I was actually surprised that Phil asked me to contribute to his news site thingy. "Phil," I said, "What could a cynical, jaded, left-leaning atheist bastard from New York like me possibly contribute to your news site thingy?"

Phil considered for a while before giving me a one-word answer that was at once both concise and profound. I'll reveal what he said at the end of this post.

So, obviously, I decided to take Phil up on his offer to scrawl graffiti on his website. I don't know what I'm going to talk about and it certainly won't be consistent. I could go off on tangents. I could even go off on sines and cosines. You never know where I may go, because this is The Donut Shoppe...from hell!

Before I go on, I would also like to mention that I am a part of TEH EVAL LIBERAL MEDIA. No, I don't work for the New York Times, but I do work in the Graphics department at MSNBC (where I am currently writing this), a bastion of leftist parrots and liberal whackos such as Chris Matthews, Joe Scarborough and soon, Tucker Carlson. Obviously an ivory tower where Michael Moore would feel right at home.

Did I mention sarcastic? I think I might have forgotten.

I think that's enough boring crap for now, so let's get to the actual reason why I'm here: to generate hatemail by boldly stating my opinions.

  • Terri Schiavo no longer exists. Her body is, quite literally, a mindless husk and should be allowed to die peacefully. The Christian Right is ruthlessly exploiting her situation and her family as a political tool to push their own ideological agenda.

  • The war in Iraq was started based on a lie but has had some tangible positive outcomes. That doesn't make George W. Bush any less of a lying douche.

  • The Christian Right has far, far too much power in this country and they constantly cry oppression in their bid to get even more.

  • If Britney Spears is allowed to get married and divorced in 55 hours, then I don't see any reason why gays shouldn't.

  • The Bible is not a viable source of morality or law. It is an archaic book of fables and myths with a historical underpinning.

    • I think I've offended enough people. I can already smell the wave of comments calling me naïve or a traitor or some shit like that.



    "Phil," I said, "What could a cynical, jaded, left-leaning atheist bastard like me possibly contribute to your news site thingy?"

    "Donuts."

    Makes sense to me.

    Posted by Dalton at 02:01 PM | Comments (6)