"All the spam that's fit to print"
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A.S.V.S Headline News "All the spam that's fit to print" |
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Debate Half-time Report
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Hello sports fans, this is Chris Berman for ASVS Sports bringing you the
half-time report for the Darth Wong vs DarkStar debate. Coming up we will be bringing you
interviews with the coaches of the major players in this titanic struggle of wit and
logic. But first, a quick recap of the game thus far: Wong started off with a strong attack on DarkStar's position complete with quotes, graphics, and well thought out arguments. Even with the handicap of not being able to taunt and insult his opponent, Wong's supporters wondered whether DarkStar would even take the field. But take the field he did. And boy did we realize then which bag the wind was blowing from; strong enough to rip the hair from Shatner's head. It's event like this that remind me why I don't own a convertible. The second quarter was more of the same as it became clear that DarkStar's defensive stategy was to muddy the water enough so that no clear victor would emerge and so declare himself the champion. Will it work? We will see as the second half unfolds shortly. |
Chris Berman: We begin with the coach for Darth Wong. An esteemed man that has won the hearts and minds of a generation, the recent star of his self-titled movie, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Pootie Tang.
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Pootie Tang: Sa da tay! |
CB: Thank you for joining us. Pootie, could you sum up your plan for Darth Wong in overcoming the wall that DarkStar has constructed in the first half of this debate?
PT: I dabe a sammie, so we nay no da watahtah.
CB: An interesting stategy. How would you expect DarkStar to respond to this?
PT: Gotta tippie tai on the cammie sai.
CB: I see. How do you feel your chances are for prevailing in this debate?
PT: My dammie can peday lama dan simling kama.
CB: I'm sorry. what was that?
PT: My dammie can peday lama dan simling kama.
CB: What the hell are you talking about?
PT: .....my dammie can poday lama dan simling kama?
CB: Ahhh yes, of course your are correct. So if you could say one thing to your opponent here and now, what would that be?
PT: Gonna sine your pitty on the runny kine!
CB: As always Pootie, we thank you for visiting us and sharing your insirational thoughts with us. We now turn to the cheif stategist for DarkStar. Former President, Bill Clinton, a pleasure having you on the show.
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A pleasure being here Chris. |
Bill Clinton: I've always been a big fan of your's. Why, just before the show I was just saying to my good friend Wes Hutchings....I mean Al Gore... that it's great to have the oppurtunity to come here and set the record straight because I believe that my esteemed opponent has been the one not sticking to the issues that are important to everyday people.
Why just during the first half of this debate, Mr. Anderson and I have helped create over half a million jobs, gaurentee health care for underprivileged children, and put a lock on social security so our senior citizens don't have to fret that their benefits will be cut. Now these are issues that Mr. Tang and Mr. Wong don't want to talk about because they know they can't match our record for success. They'd rather devle into the politics of charachter assasination such as who sucked what or who stuck it in a chicken instead of concentrating on things that really matter to people.
I'd like to tell you something. Before I came here to the studio, I met a brave person who told me how he had suffered under the yoke of Wong and his diciples. So much so that he was forced to leave the newsgroup that he had lived in for many years. This man's name is Timothy Jones and his inspired story is just one of the reasons that I became involved in this. We need to protect and nurture people who want to have an open and rational dialouge on vital issues. We stand on the facts and the truth will bear us out.
So Chris, you have a question?
CB: I did, but we're out of time. Thank you for coming by and good luck with your campaign. Give my love to your wife.
BC: Who?
CB: And now back to the debate......
