A.S.V.S Headline News
"All the spam that's fit to print"

Hall of Losers

This hall is reserved for those individuals who, in their quest for NewsGroup "immortality", fall incredibly short of their goals.

The ASVS FAQ sec. 19:

Why are people calling me a "troll"?

If you don't know, a troll is an individual who appears in a newsgroup and wants to cause trouble rather than contribute. Trolls are the bane of the internet. You may have been called a troll if you did any of the following:

a) Posted a message saying "ST SUX" or "SW RULEZ"
b) Posted a message describing graphic pornographic acts about newsgroup members or Star Wars/Star Trek characters.
c) Posted your opinion as if it were a universal fact, rather than supplying evidence.
d) Posted a question that is answered in this FAQ.
e) Made a claim that shows you haven't even read the official Rules (claimed Star Wars weapons are lasers, claimed warp drive is faster than hyperdrive, mentioned facts from The Die Is Cast that have already been discussed, etc.).

This, of course, doesn't mean it's the end. If you instead respond in a reasonable fashion, start making positive contributions, and in general play nice with others, you'll be welcomed.

It is with dubious honor that we present the first inductee into The Hall Of Losers:

Boners

Boners has the distinction of being the individual who inspired this page. He announced his presence in ASVS on July 15 in a glorious thread entitled, "Which one of you is the biggest loser here?" Let's take a look at his post. Translation is in white.

In your own opinion please post why you think you are the biggest loser in this forum.
I really couldn't think of anything original to say so I'll go with the trusty "loser" insult.

I know, I know, I know, you are ALL losers, but just whois the biggest here.
I know, I know, I know, I'm the real loser, but why point out the obvious?

Could it be the dick that compares the difference between subspace weapons...WOW,
I can call someone that....look at what I call myself.

or could it be the egghead who had to take hours out of his/her time to decide why the Empire would waste the Federation not only in a few sentences, but in a real snoozer lecture that just keeps going on and on when it really just basically boils down to pages of useless drivel?
I read Mike Wong's site and didn't understand a word of it. My high school guidance counselor says I'll make a great door-stop some day.

Maybe it's the geek that compares which of the spaceships has more capabilities and would be better in
battle....that discussion sent chills down my spine.
Did I tell you I have a huge N'Sync poster over my bed?

All in all, I think that it is a tie and you ALL equal. So collectively you are all losers equally.
No really, it's like their looking sexy just for me.

If you would like to dispute my findings feel free to go ahead and do so...
My mom was real upset when she found what I was hiding under my mattress.

Ahead Warp Factor Two....ENGAGE!!
I'm a charter member of the Voyager Fan Club.

BTW: I am Boners, I am a real standup guy!!
BTW: I have absolutely no sense of humor!!

This gentleman was not satisfied with "attacking" ASVS. Cyborg Stan found that he had posted to several other newsgroups. Check out these examples of his wit and wisdom.

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=611713557  4/16/2000 alt.fan.starwars

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=611925472  4/16/2000 alt.fan.starwars

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=613425295  4/20/2000 alt.fan.starwars

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=613418693  4/20/2000 alt.fan.starwars

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=622673207  5/12/2000 alt.tv.brady-bunch

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=622702047  5/12/2000 alt.tv.brady-bunch

http---x61.deja.com-getdoc.xp-AN=623057266  5/13/2000 alt.tv.brady-bunch

Congratulates, Boners, on your induction into the Hall of Losers. Tell your mom. She'll be so proud. She never thought you'd amount to anything but you proved her wrong.......moron.

9/14/00 Today we induct a blithering idiot

Cock Rocket (aka Tim Ness)

Background

Tim was a particularly interesting piece of flotsam that was drawn into ASVS on September 13 from alt.games.starcraft, courtesy of Weyoun the Dancing Borg. Weyoun initially claimed that he did not invite Tim to ASVS but that is not exactly true:

Unspanker (name then being used by this troll), I have heard all about u from another newsgruop. I wont give the name in case u go over there, but basically, err, this group needs reinforcements. And here I am. Check my crudentials with Dalton from ASVS. He'll tell you. -Weyoun

Chuck summed up the general sentiment of the newsgroup in this statement:

Weyoun you asshole. What the fuck did I tell you huh?! What did I tell you?!! I said not to go dragging any trolls back here, you fuckwit!!! Fucking cunt. You have now been moved onto my shit list.

Weyoun has since been form-flamed by Dalton and killfiled by a majority of the newsgroup. In response, Weyoun attempted to evade the kill-filters by altering his e-mail address, but he was unable to disguise himself from the oracle of Deja.

On September 22, Weyoun (using the name Chaapa'ai) posted this:

Basically I was stupid enough to mention ASVS in a group wtih Cock Rocket in. He followed me back here, and started to piss this group off like I have never even managed. People flamed me, I flamed back, they said nasty things, I trolled them (posted usecrap and pretended to be other people). Basically 80% of this group wont forgive me, which is understandable.
But it was an accident: I didnt mean for Cock Rocket to come here

The main event

Tim claimed to be a "master hax0r extreme". This was hard to believe given the following:

1. He used an AOL account and was unable to mask his correct e-mail address. He claimed this was a "hacked" account. But here is a little tidbit from alt.flame on September 1, 2000:

I didn't flee, AOL doesn't allow me to reply to x-posts, only one NG at a time. -Christ Terminator (with same AOL address)

l33t hax0r? Oh please. You could at least hack a descent ISP you schmuck.

Plus, he had his own AOL homepage which confirmed his e-mail address.  His IP address was 205.188.192.34 from spider-wa034.proxy.aol.com. A link to this page has been posted to all newsgroups he spams.

2. Failure to grasp the simple concept of more than one person using a server. He thought that if more than one person post using the same service must be the same person. In response to Weyoun's post he said this:

It's a little hard when you are on the same server as Cybermooseknuckle. Nice try, spankard -C.R.

3. Bedtimes imposed by his parents as indicated by his posting times.
But Mom, I was just about to harass some people with some infantile dribble!

4. At the first sign of this troll, kill-filters kicked into action. Tim didn't even understand what this meant:

Kyle killfiled me in one message, you will all bow to master hax0r, with his hax0r'ed AOL account. -C.R.

Lt. Hit-Man asked this troll why he does this. Here was the reply:

I troll because I am a master hax0r. Trolling is what I do, when I have spare time. All my replies are in 10 minute bursts, I spend like 30 mins a day on Usenet.

Translation: I troll because I have nothing useful to add. All my replies are in ten minute burst because it interferes with my veiwing of porn on the net which takes up the rest of my time. I have to be careful since my mom could come into my room at any minute.

Tim was a minor nuisance at best who should've stuck to playing his guitar. Compared with other spammers we have endured such as Skinny Hulk, he was a rank amateur. But he was an industrious little twerp as indicated by his posting history as of the apparent cancellation of his ISP account on 9/27/00:

Here is something Tim  said on 9/13/00 in alt.games.final-fantasy:
HEHE, some of us have something called -lives-, you should look into getting one, spanky. I don't post 24/7 like you....
1268 unique messages of useless drivel belittles any chance of this child having a life.

The earliest found post by Tim as C.R. was in alt.games.final-fantasy on 8/08/00:
While you were all posting, I picked up your IP addy's and installed NetBus on all your systems... Expect to see your CD-ROM drive to pop out a few times a day unexpectedly now... -C.R.

That was the stupidest post I've ever seen - Pluto

Ba-Bye Tim.

Skinny Hulk

Skinny Hulk was still out there as of 6/21/00. Since he has not been back to ASVS it is safe to assume that he is still using Cotse.com

For those who were not around at the time, Skinny Hulk was spamming many newsgroups before he turned his eyes to ASVS.

These are only the posts he made using this alias. He had many many more. Here is the posting history of one of his other alias.

Please note that almost all of the post made to ASVS were made on 12/18/99 crossposted with alt.startrek. He then went on to impersonate many of the regulars and caused a bit of disruption. He was using the service of www.Cotse.com to post anonymously. This made tracing his original and correct ISP almost impossible.

Phong Nguyen found the soulution to the problem and presented it on 12/21/99:

The person 'Skinny Hulk' has been using the service at www.cotse.com to anonymously post messages to ASVS. Luckily, there's a way around it. At the following link: http://packetderm.cotse.com/cgi-bin/blockit.cgi is a CGI script to deny anonymous emailing/posting. You can add any email address you might use. You can also input a vote into if you want to block your newsgroup from the system.

The votes were tallied and on 12/24/99 the results were in:

from http://packetderm.cotse.com/cgi-bin/blockit.cgi

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This newsgroup is currently blocked and cannot be sent to using the anon
web interface.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Score one for the good guys.

Wes Hutchings

Wes is currently being feature in Troll Theater

Wes could be put in the Hall of losers based on this statement alone: I have claimed no say in how it works, I have shown you how it works. If I wanted to work for LFL, I would. I had a chance in 85, I fucked it up. What kind of idiot would do this? Read on and form your own opinion on why Lucas Film wanted nothing to do with this numbskull.

In recent weeks, ASVS has become part of a cross-posting flame war. One of the major twits which has arisen from the bowels of the internet to partake in this festival of lunacy is Wes Hutchings. Described by some as "Timothy Jones only dumber and fatter" (I dare someone to ask him if watts and joules are the same), he has become a source of great consternation to members of both ASVS and AFS (alt.fan.starwars). Famous for his dull and witless posts, he has become proud of the number of threads which berate him and takes great effort to hijack those which do not.

Dr. Lucas finds this particularly intriguing, "I find this particularly intriguing. The subject believes he has no self-worth unless someone is continually telling him how worthless he is."

Here at ASVS-HN, our thoughts and prayers go out to Wes and hope this page makes him feel better.

But what brought about this tragic condition afflicting poor Wesley? Some say it stems from his upbringing. Other reliable sources claim it was a tragic accident involving Wes, Superman Under-Roos, a tall building, and gravity.

Wesley claims that he will not stop posting on Usenet unless everyone else does first. He believes the internet is his personal creation. We became suspicious of this behavior and his strange way of saying that people who came out to meet him would be very surprised. So, at great personal risk, an investigation was launched and it was uncovered that Wesley Hutchings does not even exist. So who is posting under this pseudonym?

Let's examine the evidence:

• Is completely dull to the point that he bores himself.

• Has absolutely no sense of  humor.

• Speaks at length on subjects he knows nothing about.

• Refuses to give up in the face of overwhelming evidence.

Have you figured it out yet?

Click below to see of you're correct.

To the Answer

Back to Contents