A.S.V.S Headline News
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U.S. TO INTERVENE IN CONFLICT

The United States Government, tired with merely policing the world, have decided to expand their peace-keeper role into the internet by attempting to diffuse the volatile situation between Spacebattles.com and A.S.V.S. The three month old conflict show no sign of abating even though peace overtures have been made by both sides. The failure has been blamed on extremist factions from each camp, namely the Spacebattle's 1st Freeman Militia (S1FM) and the Disciples of Wong (DW).

U.S. Federal Communications Commission Chairman William E. Kennard stated the U.S.'s position, "It is not the intention of the U.S. Government to take sides in this conflict. Our goal is to help negotiate a cessation of hostilities and if necessary to enforce that peace. We intend to bring these opposing parties to the bargaining table and bang their heads into said table until they say 'uncle'."

One of the most difficult steps in the U.S. mission will be the disarmament of these so-called internet para-military groups. The DW's from A.S.V.S. have the greater military ability and have shown no hesitation in deploying these arms in the field. Most widely known is the Eclipse Thread. However, there are other less famous weapons of mass-destruction still in development such as the Jacques Shock Troops, although it is rumored that there have been difficulties in the testing phase.

The S1FM's are not without their own weapons which have been proven to be very effective. Most notably is their defensive capability to launch large anti-flame JPGs which can devour bandwidth. Coupled with the recent decree of Marshall law, this has been most efficient in frustrating past incursions by the DW's. The most feared offensive weapon at the disposal of the S1FM's is the Hamblin Cruise missile which, though only the size of a large caliber bullet, carries a devastating payload.

Many doubt the ability of the U.S. to remain neutral in this conflict. Some claim that because Spacebattles appears to be a fascist state, the U.S. will side with the apparently more democratic A.S.V.S. On the other hand, some say that since A.S.V.S. was the one to instigate this war, the U.S. will offer greater aid to Spacebattles. Still others claim that the U.S. has no vital interest in this and should stay out of this.

President Clinton offered these remarks to dismiss such concerns, "I repeat, we will only be there to maintain the peace and to help reach a settlement. We have an obligation to the internet since, after all, it was Vice President Gore who invented it. We are there to defend and support our national values. I have no idea what those values are but it sure makes a great sound-bite. We will bring peace there as surely as this administration has brought peace to Northern Ireland, the Middle East, and South Central L.A. Personally, I don't know what the big hub-bub's over anyway....but I'd sure like to meet that Seven of Nine and not have sexual relations with that woman as I understand it to be defined...heh heh."

Needless to say, the peace process will be a long arduous ordeal given the latest statements issued by SB and ASVS extremists:

Spacebattles
These people are pure, unfiltered idiots. They live in caves and feast on the bones of their wounded, true madmen. They seem to think that starting a thread in a webboard about a ship fighting a race would throw the society into chaos. They also have delusions that they're in somehow invading this webboard when in fact they just came over and got their asses handed to em. You think that's the worst bit? Nope, keep reading. The ASVS'ers asked for a DISCLAIMER so they wouldn't get confused with reality and fiction. Where to begin on that dumbass comment would take a lifetime.
Way to deal with them : Tell em to shove their disclaimers up their asses or just prove em wrong which isn't very hard to do. Fuck you ASVS!

A.S.V.S
Pretentious twits! As if our help was needed in throwing your web-board into disarray. We merely came there to liberate you from the dictatorship you've been existing under. How quickly you forget that it was during our initial invasion that many arguments were introduced that your heathen Trekkies still chafe at. And now your so-called moderators, your precious protectors, have turned on one another. However, threats will not go unanswered regardless of how hollow they are; I have yet to see this "militia" of yours do anything but posture. You don't have the balls to actually take us on. You know you would suffer a painful defeat. You have been warned; you have been FUQ'ed.

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