A.S.V.S Headline News
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7/14/00

A.S.V.S. Unprepared for Attack

ASVS Troopers retreat in this simulated attack

On Thursday July 13, at 5:57A.M. US EST, the Emergency Management Agency of ASVSland conducted a surprise TOWNMNBS attack from New Zealand to ascertain the state of readiness in the NG.

From: CENSORED

  I can't imagine why you people haven't figured it out yet. The calcs have been presented and the results have been posted many times. But you people still refuse to believe that the forces of Star Trek will completely and utterly annihilate anything Star Wars has to offer. I have told you on countless occasions about the Pluto's children injections that are easily within the Federation's grasp and yet you still deny, to this day, the evidence I presented to you so long ago.
Well I don't know about you but I think it's time you all woke up to the harsh reality of the Empire's inevitable loss to the Federation.

The results showed a disturbing lack of preparation should the unthinkable occur.

EMA director, Spyda, administering the exercise said, "As long as we can scare one person shitless during the course of this test, the EMA will have done it's job."

In that respect the EMA far exceeded it goals. According to observers, the overall reaction of the ASVS population was "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here are some other reactions from the populace:

No. Can't be happening. Where are my pills? Quick men, to your stations, the hour of reckoning is upon us! Where is the troll hunter chief? Why has Kerkhof abandoned us in the darkest of hours?Back, vile ad hominen! Begone fallacy! And where is Kynes with the FAQ?Quickly brothers, to arms, to arms! -Jonathan Boyd

I had just received communion when the dark prince came through the door into the church, and all the candles lit up and everything started shaking. -Chris O'Farrell

I didn't notice since it always seems like the apocalypse when I go to the bathroom. -Xtreme Psycho

Yes technology that has NEVER BEEN SEEN since TOS that would have had
far reaching applications is going to be what they defeat the Empire
with. Guess what, LOST TECHNOLOGY (and this counts dumbass) can't be
used. It's against the FAQ and against common sense (can't use what you
don't have). -Transcend (Falling prey to the temptation to argue with TOWNMNBS)

OH NO! TOWNMNBS! God help us! -Crazy9000

Myyyy eyyyes have seen the glorryyy of thhhe comming of the Lord. He is trampling out the vintage... -Brad Moon (Armed with shotgun in his fallout shelter)

URK!!! WE WILL GO DOWN FIGHTING!!!!! -MikeJ

Many believe that Spyda overstepped his duties as Director of the EMA in executing this simulation and should die a horrible pointy death; at least in a TGOD thread.

If this is somebody's idea of a joke, then may their genitals fall off and their eyeballs explode from their skulls -Ensign Jimmy

Spyda had this to say in his defense:

"Will ASVS learn from the havoc that resulted from this exercise? Steps must be taken to ensure the safety of the NG! What kind of catastrophe would ensue if the next attack it is not a simulation but the real thing?"

Graeme Dice scoffed at the doomsayers, "As long as the veterans are around, we will not need to fear a TOWNMNBS attack."

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